Wow, this thing is ancient isn't it?

I haven't been on here since like the dawn of time, maybe even farther... hm... let me rephrase:
I haven't been posting on this blog since the midnight of time.

Yeah, I don't really have much to say really, I guess it's more like, now that I'm in university, my life has gotten more hectic.

I've gotten so much homework, like I'm swamped bro. Yeah, I say bro now, one might even say I'm straight... right. I guess there's not much I can really say, more or less anyway. I'll do my best to update this blog, but I really doubt it. I mean if my life was exciting I'd blog like mad, but I'm not... seriously. The most exciting thing to happen to me this month was well... I spent more than an hour at the Disney Store for three consecutive days deciding on whether I should get Mulan or Pocahontas from the Disney Animators' Collection. Yes, they're dolls, they're meant for kids 3+, but do I give a flying fuck? HELL NO.

Oh right, people read my blog because I'm "funny", so let me try some hilarity:
In class today I was chosen to represent the class in a cruel, sadistic activity my professor called, "Class Discussion" I forgot to read for this chapter, I'm usually on top of those kinds of things, but I guess I was just busy. Anyway, I was in front of the class, and might I add, the guys in my History class are more or less attractive. I have the hots for one, but I'll get to that one day; so as on can tell, I was nervous. I stood in front of the class, and well, my inner gay came out, I was a huge sassy bitch basically giving attitude to my prof, was it obvious to the prof? No, but to the students, yes. I got them to laugh, so I guess that's good.

Ok, so today's post is kind of on the dry side, but don't worry, I'll write a post with more sustenance soon!
I'll keep you posted, for those who still check, thank you so much! I love you!

Follow me on Tumblr if you like!
vaginasausage.tumblr.com

My Hopefully Hilarious Article about men.

Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian.

“Men are pigs, but we love bacon.” – Michael Alvear

The above statement applies to almost every human being who is attracted to the male gender. There will always be men in the world, and unfortunately, among the men there will always be the types who frustrate people everywhere. Generally there is a type of male for each category of men, whether it’s nerds or jocks there will always be one. Among the horrors are a few men that will literally cause a person to scream out in agony. After much research I have come up with a list of five excruciatingly painful men. No matter where you are situated at the moment, whether it’s England, Sweden or somewhere in China, I hope you can relate to this and laugh along with some of the very literal and real situations.

5. The Ugly Douchebag

Let’s start out at a club, a nice night out with friends. You’re at the club with your friends, the big blinking strobe lights putting you into a mood of pure ecstasy. You feel like you’re on top of the world and that no man can ruin your day today, but then you feel weird patch of warmth around your groin area. You immediately turn around and see a sweaty, fake-tanned and gelled haired person grinding all over you. It’s completely disgusting, and don’t worry; everyone agrees with you. It’s an Ugly Douchebag; everyone has encountered a fair amount of them. The “U.D” is always around and ready to party, even when you-and the rest of the world-is ready for a rest. The U.Ds are the fake-tanned, Ed Hardy-clothed and fist-pumping weirdoes that saunter around the place. It doesn’t matter that you’re in the mall, the grocers, the cinema, the club or even the park because you’re bound to encounter at least one. You can tell you’ve been a victim of the U.D with these few signs: A) The strong stench of hair gel, cologne, fake tanner spray and sweat lingers on most of your outerwear. B) Whenever you hear a catchy song with a strong beat you feel the irresistible urge to crouch down on the ground and “catch that beat.” C) When your boyfriend cheats on you, you get mad at everybody, but the man in question. If any or all these above signs apply to your boyfriend-or you-well then congratulations because he may be an Ugly Douchebag.

4. The Conceited Douchebag

Imagine that you’re sitting in a nice and peaceful café, drinking your charming little cup of tea while reading a very classical piece of literature. When suddenly you are interrupted by a loud and completely obnoxious call coming from a male. Judging from the looks of the others around you, it seems he yelled a very rude and vulgar word about the male genitalia. Upon closer inspection he’s quite attractive so you ignore the sudden outburst and continue reading, but you’re still displeased. You’ve just experienced the Conceited Douchebag, not to be confused with the Ugly Douchebag. The C.D is very close in comparison to the U.D, but the only difference is that the C.D is attractive-and he knows it. The C.D is very cocky, loud and arrogant. The C.D’s mannerisms are very annoying also, they like to over use words such as, “man”, “dude” and “bro”. The C.D also constantly refers to many extremely lame and stupid videos from the Internet. If one ever were to ask a C.D what their favourite show was Jackass would be mentioned at least once. It should also be noted that the C.D’s only good trait is that they’re attractive, and that’s always their excuse. Forget that they cant read more than seven words at a time, who even needs reading anyway? The natural habitat for the C.Ds are, the local frat homes, a bar of any sort, a “Bro’s Crib”, and of course anywhere else that houses skanks with big fake silicone boobs. Also, prepare to be bombarded with excuses like, “Who needs manners when you’ve got abs like mine?” Oh, right you are C.D right you are.

Now that the first two types are over and done with, I can now get into the last three. These last three boys will make you wonder why weren’t born a lesbian in the first place. Well, without further ado let’s jump into the world of…

3. The Clingy Types

You’re sitting at home, on the couch having a nice and quiet evening indoors. You have your snuggie pulled up to your chin; the TV is turned to your favourite episode of Sex and the City, the bowl of popcorn resting on one lap and your pet resting on the other. *BUZZ, BUZZ* Your phone is vibrating, you check the phone screen and you see that it’s your (ex)boyfriend sending you a message-great- you ignore it and continue your movie. Five minutes later the phone vibrates for a second time signaling you that there is a new message; you choose to ignore it. Another five minutes and you get a call from him, frustrated you answer the phone… turns out he just wanted to say good night to you before he went to sleep for the night, annoying. Yes, that’s a common situation with a C.T. The C.T is not a very common type of male, but if you get the unfortunate luck of running into one you’re going regret ever meeting this man. The C.Ts are very cute and thoughtful at first, but after a week or two-to put it plainly- it gets completely annoying. This man will call you over and over again asking about your day and if you’ve been talking to any other men lately. At first you think he’s just looking out for you, but on the contrary, he’s just plain clingy. The C.Ts doesn’t have many signs that flare out at you at first meeting. They also don’t look any different from the rest of the males on this list, which is a plus or a negative depending on how you think about it. Having experience with one, I know that men like these drive people crazy. With their late night, “I love you” messages, their “You’re beautiful” notes in your locker/cubicle/mailbox and their abundance of compliments, you just cant help but shout, “leave me alone!!!” To put it plainly, they’re attractive, but completely clingy. If one could look the other way then they must have high annoyance tolerance. Think about it, even Lady Gaga wrote a song about them… wait, I think I hear the telephone; I’ll just ignore it.

2. The One That Got Away

It’s like a movie; they’re hot, funny, well mannered and completely charming. No matter where you meet this man it will lead to complete and utter sadness. For example, pretend you’re at a social function, you see a very attractive young male across the room, and did he just wink at you? You take notice that unlike his friends he is not participating in the keg stand that is currently in progress. You notice his fine toned arms, his casual yet formal attire, and his subtle messy hair look. In your head you check slowly check off the criteria list for a man’s outer appearance, he passed! Finally you bring up the nerve to talk to this charming young man. You and that mysterious man strike up some small talk, the weather, the recent movies out and possibly what Lady Gaga has been up to lately. Suddenly his phone rings, he answers it, you find out it’s one of his co-workers asking about something in regards to his high paying job. Before the man on the other line can finish his sentence the O.G.A will interrupt him saying something about being in the presence of a beautiful/charming young lady/man. That act alone makes you swoon.

Somewhere after the call you and the O.G.A will get into some deeper topics, his hobbies, how he enjoys children, his recent artistic achievements in painting, his enjoyment in bodybuilding, and his mother’s recent death. This man seems absolutely astounding; you are completely blown away. As you’re quietly imagining a future with this man one of his friends run up to him and informs him of his friend who seems to have passed out in the bathtub. The O.G.A will tell you that he’ll be right back and he runs off to aid his friend, you decide on whether or not to go and check if he or his friend needs any help, but you decide against it. After a long while you seem to notice that it’s almost been an hour, you try to avoid the thought of never seeing him again so you continue to wait. As the people in the party start to file out one by one you don’t seem to see him in the crowd and the realization hits you like a truck, he’s not coming back. It’s completely tragic and sad that you’ve lost your future husband, but look at it this way; you could sell the rights to your story and make it into a generic movie plot!

And finally, the worst type of man in the world will be revealed. All these horrible people are nothing compared to these men. These men will make your skin crawl, your throat might constrict and your heart just might stop beating! Well, no more stalling let’s get to the good stuff.

1. The Illusionist

Admit it, you’re confused. I’ll admit, the name isn’t very explanatory, but when one knows what an Illusionist actually is, the name will seem like a perfect fit. First, one needs to know how amazing this man actually is, he’s perfect, he’s a complete gentleman, he has manners, he’s a good listener, he’s sensitive, he will message you back with more than just a one letter response, he remembers dates, he has an amazing body, he’s funny, he's kind and of course he looks like an Italian Supermodel. Why, he seems amazing doesn’t he? Why, of all people on this list would he be on here, he seems completely wonderful! Did I mention he was taken? Did I mention his girlfriend/fiancé/wife is a completely frumpy woman who seems to have a one-track personality? Doesn’t that just frustrate you to maximum capacity? What if I also added the fact that this man was you best friend? Of course if you were a female let’s say he’s gay instead and that he has an equally amazing boyfriend, vise versa for gay guys. It’s just so frustrating! Why in the world would these men exist? They’re so perfect yet so… not! Perfectly described as an illusion, hence the name Illusionist. These are the types of men everyone wants in their lifetime, but these are also the types of men no one will ever have a chance with. Whether he’s gay or straight, married or almost there, he's unavailable 24/7. He’s a danger not to be messed with, but if by chance you do happen to get him to deviate from his partner and go for you… well then, can you really live a morally guilt free life knowing you’ve ruined a very lucky girl’s relationship with the perfect man?

So there you have it, the five most frustrating men in the world. Always remember that in this world there will always be the Ugly Douchebag, the Conceited Douchebag, the Clingy Types, the One who Got Away and The Illusionist. All we have to do is just take life in a stride and never let men get us down. After all, life is one big meat aisle and all you have to do is find the right type of bacon… or just go vegetarian.

More updates... Sigh... I need to post more

I met my husband. He started to avoid me because I stared too much.
I met my second husband. I took a picture with him. I forgot to ask his name.
I met my third husband. We totally hit it off. I know his name. He's straight.
I met my fourth husband. We totally hit it off. I know his name. He has a boyfriend.
I met my fifth husband. We totally hit it off. I know his name. He doesn't have a boyfriend. Because he has a girlfriend at the moment. [BI]
I met my sixth husband. I knew that was way too much for normal so I didn't do anything about it.


That's pretty much what happened in the span of 5 weeks. From June till now? Don't get me started.

OMG. The pride parade!!! Look what I've gained!

Pride gains: 21 condoms, 6 flavoured condoms, 2 condom+lube combos, sunglasses, bandana, fan, star, 2 hot guy pictures, a polaroid with hot sweaty guy, a picture with a drag queen, a picture with 2 trojan men, 3 Trojan tattoos, a @kylieminogue 3$ off coupon for her NEW AWESOME CD, 3 pins Dolly Parton, I ♡ cowboys and blood donations, a gay magazine and one husband. [He's the second husband]

I'm wearing the tattoo at the moment! LAWL. Hahah!

And I want an ear piercing... I have to wait till after grad photos d:

I think that's it LOL So I guess.... It's not really that much of a long ass story.

Legally Blonde the Musical. That's an amazing musical! You should watch it! I want the soundtrack so bad haha.

I honestly love Reese Witherspoon and Anne Hathaway. I think my top 5 movies are,

1. The Devil Wears Prada

2. Mean Girls

3. The Princess Diaries

4. Legally Blonde 1/2

5. Summer Storm

But honestly, this list changes without notices like 24/7 haha

"Remember the time we spent those four AMAZING hours in the hot tub? This feels so much better."

Hoe.Lee. Sh.Eat.

Ok yeah, obviously I haven't updated since May! Ok, fine... June. But still! It's [I've learned to use It's and Its now!] August! I mean honestly, what have I Been doing? WELL

1.Camping
2.Summer School
3.Me being "Popular"
4.Work


1. Camping
    So like many people I go camping in the summer. But unlike many other people I went camping in the States!! Yeah! Oregon and Washington. I love Nordstrom! So nice, but honestly... It's because all the employees are either a hot girl or a gay guy. You must be thinking, "Omg, you're totally lying! I mean hot girls and gay guys?! Mental!!" That's exactly what I said when my cousin told me! But when I arrived, I was awestruck. It was wonderful. It was like heaven... Oh! For the people who don't know what Nordstrom is, it's basically like a huge mall for amazing designer things! Like Louis Vuitton, Coach, Gucci, etc. etc. My cousins both bought two Gucci... Side bag-like things. It's cool, but that's so conforming. I mean everyone has them! But I'm being Hypocritical, I bought only brand name things! True Religion Jeans, Calvin Klein Bag, Guess? Jeans and etc. [God i sound like an advertisement] I even bought my first ever Hollister branded... Thing. [It was a Hoodie haha] and my first ever Sweat Pants, They're so comfortable! It's crazy! I've never had sweats before. Now that I have, it's like, "Woah. I should have worn them earlier on in my life." Anyway, back to Nordstrom. I love it. That's it haha.
   Ok, so you might be thinking, "Pfft, that's not camping! You just went shopping!!" well yeah... But we went camping where I met the love of my life haha, I'm not going into it. But I met my love and he actually acknowledged me, he said he'd love me and I believed him, but I made him promise to not contact me after I left the campsite, same for me... I mean... Long distance never works... Right? Anyway, there was this one campsite where they had these things called... Yurts they're like cabins... So I guess that takes away the whole camping thing, but still we only used it for one night... It was raining so badly... Like it's not even funny haha. [As I laugh.]
   Basically camping was amazing, but when I first arrived back home I went to the bathroom and actually did say out loud, "My first Canadian piss in weeks!" Yeap, that's me being lame.
   Now... I have a short little message about the states. All the guys there are super HOT!!! Yes! They're like basically all white, tall, good looking... But then there are others I guess. But basically it's [For the guys] You're either:  1. White and Hot
                      2. White and Hot and Gay
                      3. White and Hot, but Rude
                      4. Fat
                       5. A Child.
Yeap, those are basically the male categories... In my completely Biased and Racist opinion. Lots of the guys I saw were gay, and I had like many people flirt with me, it was so weird... I mean look at me! LOL. Yes, that's it. Oh and the girls are very pretty and some where really hot!


2. Summer School
You might be thinking, "Holy crap! An Asian!? IN SUMMER SCHOOL!?" I can say this because I've had that said to me before. So you know, we're all a little bit racist. But let me clear this up for you, I took summer school because I needed 4 provincial examinable courses in order to be a Math teacher [Yes, I'm Asian and I'm going to be a math teacher, I'm totally kicking down the stereotypes eh?] And I didn't want to take 5 months of History! And I know I'll fail Chemistry 12, so there's no point in that. So... It was 5 months put into 5 weeks. It was horrible and scary. I almost failed... Ok I wasn't close to failing, but whatever LOL. My friend Nisha was there! She helped me get through the tough times that is/was summer school. My teacher was pretty funny and pretty foxy too! (: I wanted it to end so bad, but now that it's over [It ended today] I kind of miss it... Just not the waking up early thing.

3. Me being "Popular"
I lied... I'm not popular. I just never like staying home. So i call people and we hang. No one ever calls me d: I feel so lame, but it's ok. I um... Have nothing else to say... I guess I was just busy haha.

4. Work
I worked, like once a week. But still I was too lazy to update after that. So yeah, speaking of work. I applied for Starbucks. I mean I didn't ask, they just went up to me and was like, "Do you work here?" "No..." "Oh, well have you dropped off your resume?" "A while ago haha." "Oh, well leave your name, and drop off your resume tomorrow! :D" "Ok! haha" So yeah, I dropped it off today.


I have more updates...

Ginger? Nature? How is this a Children's Festival?!

   Now, the last day. Sydney wasn't there, she was probably out to parties and junk LOL. But some of our friends were there! Like Natalie! and Arthur! They told me a funny story, "So i [Natalie] was like, "Ma'am no flash photography in here" she had a camera, but she was like, "I'm just eating a sucker!" LOL

 When we were there we decided to do something where we walk around behind a guy in stilts! His name was Lindsey and I'm pretty sure he was gay... but he was hot, that's all that matters. Did i mention he smelled good? He smelled good. Also I got to find out what Raoul real name was! It's Josh, Josh the Ginger.

  Mackenzie wasn't there, but there was a hot guy at the "MetroVancouver" booth. We got a picture there! It was my first polaroid! Also... I learned to juggle. Priscilla and I obviously made lots of sexual references... par example: *Deep voice* "Ugh, my balls dropped" and "Stop playing with my balls!! Get your own!!" and etc, LOL

  I spent all my time with Priscilla this time... except when she was feeding the treacherous nature [Ducks] Those bitches will cut you up!! She wanted to make kites, but i'm all, "I don't want to make your stoopid-ass kite!" so she just took one from the tent LOL.

  Through out the day I was looking for Raoul, but i couldn't find him and it was so upsetting!! Luckily though I found him at last, he was at the "Hands Talking Tent" It's sign language... it's ok, I didn't get it either. Unfortunetly nothing happened, oh well.


 So i think that's it? I don't know, if you can think of anything Priscilla [Which should be reading this] comment here and tell me!!

''Hi Eugene, can you clear this table for me?''

Australian Names? Pokemon? How is this a Children's festival?!

  So... May something was the Vancouver Children's Festival. Priscilla, my bffl and I decided to be good people and volunteer for said fabulous event. Of course she had to do her Volunteer hours, I was volunteering just in it for the fun of it. (Y)

  So when we there we only knew each other... which was awkward haha. We got name tags in which I wrote my name was Miclala, which it isn't. Lucky for me I enjoy approaching nice and/or decent looking people... usually girls. They're not as... hostile. So when we got there Priscilla and I were to choose what job we wanted. We were floaters afterall! We ended up being gate keepers and we were to stamp people's hands... fun stuff. Priscilla and I ended up breaking our stamps LOL.

  When we were going to our place we got assigned a pretty girl named Sydney! She was so funny and random and amazing... run-on sentence I know. She even drew me a picture! It was... amazing. So yeah I made a new friend that day... also it occured to me that almost everyone from North Vancouver... or was it West Vancouver? I dont know. Anyway, I realized almost everyone there was "Rich and stupid" ok that's mean, but it's a joke, so calmeth down (:
   I get this because my friend Sydney has never set foot in a Bus or Skytrain, like... Is that even legal? She's always using her family to drive her or a taxi... did I mention she's going to buy a pool inside her pool after grad. LOL yeah, fun stuff! 

   Also when we were gate keepers some random asian lady ran by us pointing at her hand and smiling, it wa hilarious! Sydney with her teeth clenched said, "That didn't look like anything..." it was so funny! Then Priscilla was like, "It looks like a tornado..."

  So the first day that we volunteered [we did 2 days] I kept ditching Priscilla because Sydney wanted to go on adventure walks yeah, adventure walks. It was funny how she said it. Anyways, i onviously felt bad because Priscilla was my friend and ditching her was not part of the volunteering plan! So I bought her a Pokemon shaped popsicle. I mean she loves pokemon... afterall who doesn't?! When she opened it, it was a Pikachu and omfg it was deformed! Priscilla couldn't stop laughing and she took a picture of it... for god's sakes... did I mention it was cold out? It was cold out. So she froze more haha.

  During the day I kept seeing this delicious boy in skinny jeans, which i creativly named, Skinny Jeans. His real name is Macenzie. Hot right? I know. He was hot... and he had an accent!!
  When Priscilla was waiting in line to get her volunteer hours signed there was a guy in front of her who looked like he was really mean and would bite off my face. So I just continued to talk to Priscilla and stuff, but he kept looking backwards towards us which really awkwarded me out! Then something miraculous happened! Because Priscilla is kind of allergic to the sun [It makes her sneeze] I decided I would pop up my umbrella to shield her, but she was all, "No Micah, put it down. You've splashed 10 other people." it was so embarrassing! So I put it down and said, "Sorry 10 other people" He turned around and said, "It's ok." How cute!! He then started to take off his leather jacket and show his hot purple shirt. [According to me there are only four kinds of shirts that make men look hot:
                                                          1. Purple

2. Pink

3. Plaid

4. Nothing

 So yeah the last one wasn't a kind of shirt... but still.] So yeah... ok for this last part to make sense we're going to need... a...

*Backstory!*

So for some odd unconcious reason when i am interested in someone I know i might have a chance with I tend to do 3 things:

1. gay it up

2. fix my hair 

3. stare.

So by "gay it up" I literally mean "gay it up" [I don't mean this to be rude ore offensive, I'm sorry. I mean it in the most sterotypical way possible. Which everyone should know isn't always true.]  I walk a little more feminine, I talk a lot more feminine and I don't know, just imagine a totally sterotypical gay guy, I don't know why i do it. I just kind of do.

The second one is very obvious... I fix my hair, like every second... even when it's totally fine. Did I mention I have a mirror and comb in every one of my backpacks? I have a mirror and a comb in every one of my backpacks.

And of course, I stare at them... It's not my fault, they're just so beautiful!!

  So do you get that? Yeah, so right after the whole umbrella ordeal he starts to fix his hair, then talk to the lady who signed Priscilla's volunteer hours sheet in a totally gay and happy way unlike what his face showed earlier. Then as we were leaving we were walking behind him and he would fix his hair 24/7 so much in fact he ran into a tree LOL Priscilla and I laughed. Hard. I tried not to, but it's not my fault! I mean it's not everyday someone runs into a tree! So yeah he was probably really embarrassed! Oh no! Also... he turned around a lot to look at us... Even when we were running through "Alice in Wonderland Forest" I didn't get to catch his name... So I named him Raoul

SFU Open house?

So on March 4th which was... Thursday I think. I had an early dismissal which was 2pm and my friend Radeken's school ended at 230 so he was all COME TO MY SCHOOL AND WE CAN GO TO SFU! it took me like... an hour to get there... ): I was there at 3pm and no there weren't any hot guys... Even though he said there would be D:

  So we went to SFU and it was pretty cool... Lots of free things.. Like my friend she took all the pens, highlighters, books, candies and of course food LOL. I took a book some post-it notes and of course 4 condoms LOL! Yeah I gave one to Selena and one to Jeong, I'm sure they'll put it to good use! (: I kept two.. So when I rape So Soft and Lover I'll be safe. Hahah jokes jokes.

   So when we were there we so so many hot guys, by we I mean Radeken and I. I saw about a billion, but I only named the impossibly hot ones. The names are as follows,  T-Shirt, whom was the first one I saw and the hottest one. The second is Cute Communications, he was sitting at the booth and smiled and always looked over at us... I asked him many random question... But really stupid ones... He probably thinks I need help? Then there was Not the Asian One, he was with a friend and yes he was Asian, I'm thinking Radeken must have thought he was cute, so when he pointed them out I was like omg! he's so fricken hot! Not the Asian One of course. And then there was the cute one who was with his mother and sister, he kept forcing her to take a Monster for him LOL you know those energy drinks? Yeah, I kinda find them nasty ): Yeah I named him Sweatpants... Its kind of obvious why...

Besides the hot guys we walked around kind of aimlessly? I think... I saw many of my friends there, but most didn't stay... I saw Bels.. But then she dissappeared.. So she missed out on a fabulous hug. I got a free shirt? And uh.... I will use my condoms wisely (:

Tree #1: [name] Understudy: [Name]

Really? For a tree?

Furry fur, and stunt doubles.

So today I went to my friend Radeken's and maybe my friend? I dunno, maybe he likes me not sure... Anyways, I went to his gathering, it was all these furry lovers.
   For those who don't know what furry is its like... A kind of anime where its... Animal.... Porn haha... Reminds me of my new ringtone: totally awesome "river flows in you" out of no where, how are you guys with your porn  LOL yeah it was so funny! Anayways, so yeah... You may think OMG, SUCH FREAKS. ANIMAL PORN. Uh yeah, that's just rude. I mean some people who are like obsessed with anime things like that... I mean some take it to a level where they still live with their mom and are balding and about 500pounds. But most of them are genuinely normal people.
So we went to the gathering. I mean at first... I didn't know what to think... I'm not really into the whole animal thing o.O and I don't watch much anime since... I had that phase in gr5-9... Yeah i'm more of a white washed guy now... I mean in gr5-10 it was MEGA ASIAN MUSIC! and i always did ">< o.O == T^T XD X) X( etc." but now i'm so white its like unreal... Yeah UNREAL.
So when I got there with Radeken and "Buddy" it was so odd for me... I was like "i know no one D:" and it was me and Radeken... and then after a while... More people showed and then there were two guys who stood out. A cute guy who was kinda immature [totally cute]. And a HOT stunt double guy. Yeah they have separate stories....

   So the cute immature one, Radeken doesn't like him. But i kinda think he's funny and really random... And maybe I'm wierd.. But I think he's taken? By some really frumpy looking guy... I mean he was all over him. He was BALDING for one. and everytime he bent down... MAJOR ASS CRACKAGE! I think i got a picture LOL Anyways... Yeah totally cute. He also wore glasses on the top of his head, and i was lik "Come on put it on for like 2 seconds!" And he was like, "Nah, its only for like style... And when I drive" I mean LOL i found it funny... The way he said it.... Oh and he had this collar on him, omg it said "Bad... something" but it was cool... It had some spikes... But the rest probs fell off haha. And he made some dog sounds at time... But oddly i found it cute o.O i know people in my school do cat meows... And i just wanna slap them LOL

Now kiddies... There was one totally hot guy there. He wore a hat... And he smoked... And he had this collor that was SO FRICKEN CUTE! It had a little paw print on it! Totally blues clues! And he never talked or looked at me... But then I was trying to test my camera on my phone... And it was directed to him and he was like "What did you just take a picture of?" and I'm like "Oh, no its my phone it makes that sounds when i text... I didn't take a picture of you LOL, don't be so egotistical (: " and then he smiles and goes yeah "something about him being in the film industry and how he meets celebs" and im like "OMFG NEIL PATRICK HARRIS" "No..." "Damn" "He's probably not that important" [I wanted to be like BITCH NO.] haha but im nice so i didn't. So then he starts talking to me about his phone and my phone and how he met zac effron and really wanted to slap him LOL, I know by the sounds of it I like that guy too. And then yeah... I'm sure he was grilling me for the picture LOL and yeah I was talking to him... But then Radeken kept trying to rush me out the door, and mr SD was like looking at me through a crowded little hallway, he seemed genuinely interested in talking to me :D but yeah we had to leave early... Cuz "Buddy" was upset and Radeken didn't like the whore anyways.

So all in all IT WAS REALLY FUN. Well awkward, but fun! Radeken and I really bonded... Hes REALLY NICE TO LAY ON. Most guys or girls im friends with... They usually aren't comfy whats so ever.


B*tch no Neil Patrick Harris IS IMPORTANT

Risky Risking.

So I'm sure that the only people who read this know me pretty well. And if y'all don't I'll tell you.


I'm a very shallow person. I mean come on, every five seconds i base people on their looks. I mean my policy is: "They're all hot... Until I realize they aren't" I mean i'm sure there are a lot of sweet, funny gay guys or males in general out there. But then i base "hottness" on their looks. That's really not good.... ): And yeah no surprise, they're usually really "douchy" guys. And I don't use that word loosley folks. And to be honest it was one guy in particular that got me realizing i was gay. It was in gr9, science class.

      I sat right in front of one of the HOTTEST GUYS i had EVER been bestowed the honour of witnessing. I mean my elementary school was OMG SO LAME I mean no offense, I do not want to come off as racist but my old elementary school was filled with Brown people, and no, they weren't nice to anyone of "autre colours" I mean i don't know about my other friends, like my white ones... But i was chinese and OMG THEY WERE SO MEAN they would talk about you behind your back... Or in front of you in FRONT of you.. D: yeah. And I know its totally odd of me... But I'm only into white guys, well majority.... My policy for white guys are "All of them are cute unless... They're underage... Or if they turn around" Yeah, i know... I'm a horrible person... So with my elementary school filled with only people of a majority of mean males... I only had female friends, and I still didn't fit in... Lame.
  Moving on with my life, so I sat in front of him, and to people who go to my school... This'll be like way too obvious, but I'm going to rename him anyways... [Br]omine. (: So yeah he was hot to me... [I mean TBH i don't know what i saw in him, he was mean, he always looked and sounded high... Actually gets high and drunk.... Did I mention? He's really smart for some reason... o.O (But i don't wanna be mean, i'm sure he tries in school)]So I liked him for two years... I know, two years wasted on some straight guy who and i quote, says, "Gay guys are wierd, marriage is only for a man and woman" Uh... Yeah, I mean all those divorces, domestic violence reports and rapes? Yeah fun, fun, fun.
   Now! I have gotten over him... Actually on Sept.1! Yeah i know, I'm awesome, but then I've realized... I really like really like guys with really cute smiles... Hence my liking of... "[Fr]ancium" or "Insert wittily thought up name here"... I mean they're like the king of douches. Well one of them is really polite... and also really nice... But in front of his friends he's a total ass... I mean some people, I mean more people would probably like you for WHO YOU ARE... I know i would ): and one... Well he's just a douche in general... And his voice makes him sound like nothing goes on in his head D: And OMG HIS FACE?! He looks like he's constantly pissed! Its so crazy... And like when he's not with his friends... Ok story:
                                                                  So it was after school, I had to go to my sister's school to pick her up. On the way there [i took the shortcut where its usually unpopulated] i like almost slipped down the hill.. So embarrassing and guess who was there? Yeah Francium... He saw and laughed and was like, "It just rained, I don't blame you" and I'm like EXCUSE ME!? YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT. But then I smile and kinda get all hot... He smiles like not, "loser" smile but like "Haha, you're so odd [in a good way]" And yeah, in my classes i have/had with him... He'd always talk about me and like give me a look... Not a "freak" look but just a look that i can't describe....
  Don't get me wrong people, I'm not calling him gay... Thats too movie to be true... I'm just saying, I always think the mean, douchey, so-called hot white guys are the HOTTEST 


Ps. I've fallen for some asians before... I mean it was after they've fallen for me... So i'm sorta old news to them... I guess I'm into looks for whites and personalities for others.... That doesn't make me totally shallow does it?


I'm not shallow... I just splash around in the kiddie pool.

Thought.

Ok boys and well... I guess Girls, i dunno who reads this. But im sure i offend the girls who read this [Jenny and Amy] Anyways, today [January.9th] marks the day of my horrible future cuz you know... I ruined it. So here it is:
                                                                                 So today i went to the mall with my awesome friends Amy and Katrina, I went by Starbucks about.... 50 times you know to see if maybe he was there. And he wasnt ): But thats not the point. I went there finally cuz well i gave up, and Amy wanted a drink haha. So i went there and the girl who messed up my giftcard thing? Yeah her, if you dont get it then i suggest [ http://mindmymales.blogspot.com/2010/01/really-hot-guys.html ] Ok so i saw her, and there was a cute-ish i dont remember, but i'll assume he was cute guy was with her. So i went up there to them and he say "Hey" but i totally blew him off [not in the fun way (;] and said to the girl "Hey! I brought real money this time!" and he was all "ok..." [he said it out loud!] So she was all "I dont get it" and im like "My whole gift card ordeal?" and shes like "OH YEAH YOU!" but yeah anyways back to the moral of the story:
                                                                                                      So now about like 5 hours later i think about it and.... I feel really bad. I mean one for totally ignoring some guy! And then for ruining my future because well... He works with "Trevor" and then hes probably gonna be like "Omg there was some loser here" and then like one day im gonna show up [like every time im at the mall] and then he's gonna be all "Trevor thats him!" and then Trevor is gonna think im a loser, and all connection to how hot he is... is well GONE!

So what do you think? My whole future with the hot Trevor is now gone isnt it? Yeah... And i got a haircut, its super short. And im not used to it, i dont think trevor will like it. ): Oh well... I have to find a new boy... Like thats possible. Trevor was like hot.

Really Hot... Guys.

So I work at the mall... Damn are the Men in suits, Teens [over 16 LOL], Daddies and well the male population in general are so freaking hot. I love working in the mall, i mean i love seeing the men walk by, playing dog to their Girlfriends/Wives/Booty Calls.
But I think it was somewhere before Christmas i met/saw the hottest employee ever, he not only was beautiful, but he's totally gay. I know, I know "Don't be so damn stereotypical b*tch!" But... Think, he has the worlds most feminine voice, does these hand movements [Unless he's a very and i mean very metro i doubt he's straight], his nice smile when i'm about to walk up....
Ok back story:
                      So, it was a few days before christmas, a Thursday, but not a Thursday like any other. But before then I was introduced to the wonderous product called "A Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha" by the wonderous Jason, he bought me a Venti one! Now thats splurgging on a stranger haha, i made him promise to buy me a coffee, and he said yes. So it made me happy. Anyways, so i was craving one. I went in, and there i was met with a line, but not just any line. A line of fate. I was waiting in line, then i saw this really hot guy, hair styled like me, obviously he has good taste! He had a beautiful voice and a wonderful smile. When i was about to go order something it was with him, i'll name him Trevor, so as i was walking towards trevor he smiled at me and i kinda well... smiled... So yes i was walking up to him, but then some old man like cuts and goes in between us! And hes all "Do you sell that gingerbread thing here?" and his smile faded and he looks at that old man and is all "Uh yeah we do, what can i get for you?" I'm like dude! But then some fugly girl, well she wasnt really, she was really pretty but she didnt look like him so yeah. She was all "HEY!" So i say [you know to confirm him i was in fact a flamboyant gay] "Ok my ex-boyfriend ALWAYS got coffee for me... So i'm gonna have to guess, do you have white chocolate mocha here?" "Yes...." "Ok.. A uh... Medium one? Oh peppermint flavour! And can i get the whipping cream on the bottom?!" [Always easier to mix, try it out] and she's all "Uh... Can we do that? No one's ever asked before... I can give you a bigger cup" He was watching us and he laughed when i said:  "But... I mean... Its just whipped cream, put it on the bottom and be all "TADA!"" and he kinda made me blush, but i like refused to say hello or anything to him ): Anyways, so as i wait for my drink [its a counter where you wait at the end] So he makes an excuse and leaves the till and takes a random towel and walks around to my side of the counter and starts to "fix" the counter, you know napkins and stuff, he pics up a jug and pours out the milk and is all "Oh better refill that" and totally is looking me up and down as he walks by me, just to add more to his "metro"-ness. And well i walked away after that, but he was fine. Like omg, i'd tap that and then some. Or as my friend says, "I'd make him get me pregnant so we can stay together forever" Creepy but funny haha.
*Upsetting part*
Everytime i go to "visit" him or "want a coffee" i bring my money and junk and walk by to you know, see if he's there to be able to make a move and talk to him! But he's never there ): Then one day i didn't bring my money or anything and he WAS THERE which totally pissed me off, i had no reason to say hi!

Anyways, today I had my money, and a reason to be there longer than anyone else! So i brought two giftcards, one with 15.33 and one with 50. So i had to switch the 15 and the 50, but im only allowed to keep 20 of the 50 so here is what i had to do:
Step one: Put the 15.33 into the 50
Step two: Take out 30 from the 50+15.33
step three: There is none.
So i went there hoping trevor was there, and guess who was? Trevor! I was so excited, i waited in line, and there was a different girl this time, and well i was in the front then these 3 random asian ladies come, and well the girl is helping a slow old man, so i was like OMG TIME TO GET JIGGY. But then the three asian ladies turn to 3 asian ladies and 2 other random ladies, and it made me upset ): So I went up to her and said, "Ok get ready for this great deal of force task, Everyone gave me like a billion gift cards i dunno why i mean pfft, money works too! [trevor now looks, and kinda smirks or laughs [didnt pay attention]] Can you "explains my steps" the girl had to do it for me, i started work in 10min, but well.. Luckily my manager wasnt working, i was 6 min late! But i spent 16min with Trevor! Anyways So she took a while, she was confused, and i felt bad for making it so hard... And Trevor kept looking at me, i could see from the corner of my eye, but i was too scared to look and say hi... [SORRY "SPICA"] So yeah after she said, you wanna buy a drink? and i should have said, "Oh im late for work, i'll get one during break, you know to see Trevor one more time, stupidly I DIDNT. So i yeah i saw him once today! ): And i kept trying to think of excuses to see him, but i didnt get any... I then saw another gay guy go to work, and it pissed me off cuz they were yacking and having the time of their lives.... I was so jealous. ):

New years resolution: Actually say HI to Trevor, no matter how much it costs me... and at 4$ a shift thats alot! 

A Thought!

So i had one a long time ago, but i've decided to post it now, i mean i wrote it down so i'm ok with that.

My new years DAY:
So i thought this new years would be just like any other day: Don't breathe to deep, Don't think all day. Dive into work. [RENT refrence] But then today was filled with... Events. None of which were good, but then while sitting at home working on my socials work a thought occured to me. A life changing thought!

[Here is the... Format]
Event
A comment
What i think the world is trying to tell me


The whole working thing.
Yeah i had to wake up at 10am from all that partying of the other day, i dont do drugs or drink so... yeah im safe... But it still sucked haha. It was very very slow, and i guess i just got paid [time and a half] to stand around... Very good.
I guess its kind of important cuz well... I dunno actually... Oh yes, it leads to event number two


Starbucks
It was SO slow that Shantal and I left Lucia to fend for her life from all the nothing waiting in line to get a Julius haha. It was a nice little adventure. I used $4.67 from my $20 giftcard from my mom... And the hot guy who worked there wasn't even working today! Which was a bad incident. Recap: Lost money, and didnt even see the hot guy.
So it gave me an excuse to drink a frap... So good havent had it in... months. And well my giftcard was being lame and it said my balance was $15.33 i wanted to fill it with 67 cents you know... to even it out. It gave me a chance to talk to the cute guy working though... Not the hot one, but hey cute gay guy works for me.
[Y'all might be wondering why i say they're gay? Well I dont wanna be like ugh stereotypical but... I could see it by how he talked and stuff... Gaydar post, it'll answer your questions]

My jeans zipper broke
It was my favourite pair of jeans! And while i was changing back to go somewhere after work somehow the zipper was like ef you kid! And then offed itself... Like literally it just came of. I know what you're thinking "Nah you're just fat." *Reminds me of these two things "Six words to have a girl break up with you, "You look fat in those jeans" and... Day after boxing day i went shopping with my friends and it was me, my friend who's a girl and my gay friend, really hot but hes obv not into me ): anyways, so she came out with these jeans and she was like "Omg these jeans make my butt look big..." and he said without missing a beat, "Hunny, it aint the jeans" LOL* So yeah it broke and i had to walk ALL THE WAY HOME with a billion pairs of socks from ardene's [i love their socks ok (:] and an umbrella... Long story short... My crotch got WET from the rain LOL
So the world's message "Easy access this year" I feel excited... I mean hello! Broken zipper... Obviously im gonna be able to get into someone's pants this year LOL

Fire in my building
I live in a condo so like i literally live with like a billion people, this was like the third fire alarm this week so im like ef it, so i sat on my couch eating my rice, yeah im asian get used to it. So thirty min. later it kept ringing and i smelled smoke so im like OMG so i walked out... In a tshirt, you dont know how cold it was.
I think the world is implying i'm gonna meet a HOT guy so HOT he'll be on fire (:

Waiting in the cold and rain... In a T-Shirt
I stood with the really hot guys on my floor, which is wierd because i didnt know they lived near me, so i was freezing it was raining and the really hot guy beside was all warm, and im like "DUDE WARM ME UP, if you know what i mean" And well... It wasn't out loud... But he gave me a look, psychic? I think so.
So they're basically my neighbours right? And the whole Love Thy Neighbour thing should TOTALLY apply here... But hey, it'll take some time to load~!

Ah yes, the flood from the sprinklers
Walking in the lobby with like... I dont know a lake?! In the pathway got my fav shoes wet! And it went into my socks, but it felt like swimming? I dont know it was sad and upsetting though, i didnt enjoy it. But water was like... Woah flowing and being extreme! Waterfalls were made today.
Come on people, gushing water... Do i need to be anymore obvious... Well here think of these... Innuendos...
                             1.Flowing from upstairs to downstairs.... making it harder... [to walk through]
                             2. GUSHING WATER. Like through a small hole just GUSHING
                             3. I took alot of heat to get it gushing.
Seriously boys and girls, if it didn't work... I've lost faith.

My phone tells me i missed an important call
I got a notification saying I missed a call at 2am from a guy i haven't talked to in months... And he was the only other person besides one other whom i've crushed on EVER. And well he called me yesterday and i didnt know my phone rang, so i guess i obviously didnt pick it up. I'm texting him tomorrow morning and saying sorry i missed his call.
I feel its earth telling me that this year, i have my chance. Please be right.


New Year Omens:
                            They come true right?

How a conversation goes. Very... Porny, watch out.

Because of how sadly deprived i am i only have 3 gay friends yes. Count them three.
So we have this weekly convo about life. A threeway if you may haha. Yeah one of my three friends doesnt have msn so it doesnt work. Anyways here is how one goes.

*For their sakes i'll use really cool hot names*
Scott - totally masculine like? I guess. Hes what a straight guy should be
Cameron - feminine doesnt have but OWNS THE lisp
Me... - Im pretty much the boring one

"Hey!"
"Whats up my bitches!!"
"Omg ew really?"
"Pfft, i rule you all"
"Ok really this is how we ALWAYS start. Lets do something different..."
"Omg! I've always wanted to do something kinky!!"
"Bondage"
"Omfg no. I mean like start like normal people! "hey" "hi" "whats up?" and so on"
"EW! Why dont you just tell me to wear sandalls and socks!"
"Why not? Its comfy"
"EW SERIOUSLY?! ARE YOU RETARTED!?"
"Ugh, this is why i dont ever set dates with you"
"Maybe cuz you could never touch this"
"Pfft if i can rope in your ex i can f*ck anyone i please"
"Well his ex WAS a slut, so i guess either you got him drunk or he was just desperate"
"f*ck you man! Go wear your moss green crocs!"
"Wtf! why do you like memorize my shoe colours!"
"Well they are ugly, its a fact that ugly things are easy to remember. Like how i'll never forget cameron"
"AW THANKS!"
"Really cameron re- "HEY! B*TCH!" -eally?"
"Hahaha, i guess sucking d*cks all you know how to do LOL"
"LOL"
"Whatever! At least i know how! I mean touching it and saying ew doesnt count :)"
"hahahaha"
"F*ck you, ive sucked more than you've seen!"
"Omg really you guys, lets not have a slut battle"
"I'd win."
"Win the title of, THE LOSER"
"i find that ironic..."
"OMG SO I WAS WATCHING PORN EARLIER"
"obviously, thats the only action you'd get"
"ha. ha. Anyways, so he was licking the other guy and i was like OMG KINKY!"
"Ew... thanks for sharing"
"I bet he tasted salty LOL"
"LOL no they were in the shower!"
"soap gives you like... stomach aches!"
"Well it wasnt safe thats for sure"
"LOL"
"OK. I GET IT. ANYWAYS I WENT TO THE STATES TODAY!"
"No sh*t! YOUVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT FOR DAYS"
"f*ck you!"
"ANY HOT GUYS?!"
"OMG YES. AND LIKE THE GUYS IN MACYS ARE LIKE THE GAY VALLIES HAHA"
"why wasnt i there!?"
"Notice how youre canadian"
"Notce how you should shut the f*ck up!"
"Notce how IM STILL TALKING! Ok so like they were so hot! And like i was flirting with one! I LOVED IT he was so cute! except he had like really bad bags. like really bad! I dont think he slept!"
"he was anticipating your arrival, i saw your outfit today! WHO WOULDNT BE EXCITED?!"
"Maybe people like me"
"Ok fine, excluding retards"
"No, you mean only the retards, its ok you make those "unique" mistakes ALL THE TIME"
"Ok girls, have your little fight later! Anyways! So Cameron i think you'd like some guy i met at Hot Topic! He was asian and...."
"OMG, he's probably got a d*ck, so yeah HOOK A BRUTHA UP BIATCH!!"
"notice U-S-A"
"Whatever i'll sneak, it'll be an epic movie! Call it Cameron and Asian"
"Oh! Or No One Cares, the movie"
"Oh and at mcdonal- "WELL IM SURE PEOPLE WOULD WATCH IT!" -ds i saw the hottest guy ever! perfect for you Scott!"
"You know if they were PAID to go. And nah, not really looking for anyone right now. But you got my bottle right>?"
"Yeah! It was totally sweet i LOVED IT! I mean i dont even wanna use it! I might break it! ):"
"Hahaha, well whatever works for you. Just glad you liked it, i skipped school for it!"
"What the B*TCH! I didnt get anything!!!"
"YEAH! I gave you that... thing"
"WTF, THE JAR OF JELLY BEANS!?"
"yeah thats the one"
"Omg! I gave you some baseball bat that like cost so much and i get jelly beans. thanks. (i like jelly beans haha)"
"ANYWAYS. AGAIN. So i wonder what it'll be like to marry my oven"
"brb"
"Kay, and yeah that'd be so kinky! you can get it ON while you get hot and warm! LOL"
"Omg you're so lame."
"Youre the one who wore CROCS!"
"that was totally when i was 13 I DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTER!"
"Yeah i guess you WERE straight back then, ew."
"Whatever, go fall off a cliff"
"I second that. majority rules!"


--ETC ETC. But this one wasnt that exciting. When there is one. I'll post it. this one was just eh HAHA

IT'LL BE BETTER NEXT TIME (: