Wow, this thing is ancient isn't it?

I haven't been on here since like the dawn of time, maybe even farther... hm... let me rephrase:
I haven't been posting on this blog since the midnight of time.

Yeah, I don't really have much to say really, I guess it's more like, now that I'm in university, my life has gotten more hectic.

I've gotten so much homework, like I'm swamped bro. Yeah, I say bro now, one might even say I'm straight... right. I guess there's not much I can really say, more or less anyway. I'll do my best to update this blog, but I really doubt it. I mean if my life was exciting I'd blog like mad, but I'm not... seriously. The most exciting thing to happen to me this month was well... I spent more than an hour at the Disney Store for three consecutive days deciding on whether I should get Mulan or Pocahontas from the Disney Animators' Collection. Yes, they're dolls, they're meant for kids 3+, but do I give a flying fuck? HELL NO.

Oh right, people read my blog because I'm "funny", so let me try some hilarity:
In class today I was chosen to represent the class in a cruel, sadistic activity my professor called, "Class Discussion" I forgot to read for this chapter, I'm usually on top of those kinds of things, but I guess I was just busy. Anyway, I was in front of the class, and might I add, the guys in my History class are more or less attractive. I have the hots for one, but I'll get to that one day; so as on can tell, I was nervous. I stood in front of the class, and well, my inner gay came out, I was a huge sassy bitch basically giving attitude to my prof, was it obvious to the prof? No, but to the students, yes. I got them to laugh, so I guess that's good.

Ok, so today's post is kind of on the dry side, but don't worry, I'll write a post with more sustenance soon!
I'll keep you posted, for those who still check, thank you so much! I love you!

Follow me on Tumblr if you like!
vaginasausage.tumblr.com

Well now, I've decided to go with the grain....

I got Tumblr [ http://mindmymales.tumblr.com/ ]

  I know right, I was surprised too, but I guess all good things must move on in order to keep up with da timez, but just so you know, I will be posting on here... Maybe, I still haven't decided....

  Well, follow my new little Tumblr, and please feel free to tell EVERYONE (:

Gurl's been bakin.

   Yeah, you read right, I was baking, I bake all the time... wait, did you think different kind of bake? Like self bake? Pfft, f that s. I got stuff to do. Maybe one day when the clock strikes well.

  Goodness, I am so gay, it sort of hurts, I bake, I clean, I cook, I'm friggen Julia Child over here, well more like a mother, but whatever.

  I baked cupcakes, and a cake, the cake I substituted like half the shortening for margarine instead, damn was that a bad idea, it now tastes like a sad little lemon cupcake took a giant sadness filled dump in it, but nonetheless I won't waste it, so I'll force myself to eat it. Haha.

  Anyway, I'm sure when it's easter I'll have time to properly post, for now try and enjoy my picture of a rock:

So, it's been a month..

    Anyone remember that time where I said I would normally post updates and everyone would be like, "Oh gee wiz, that Micah kid is such a daring and hilarious person, I think I might go gay for him." Ok, no one would ever say that, but if someone did I would be pretty excited, but that's going to have to wait till later, I know I have been lacking drawings for the past while, but my tablet seems to be on the fritz [Haha, I'm so 90s] But do you best to not worry, I will get it fixed...

   In other news I think James Marsden is very attractive, especially when in a suit, refer to fig.1

Fig.1

  Now, Spring break has been going on for a while now, I unlike many other schools have two weeks, the first week was totally fun, I was out like almost everyday, seeing as a majority of my friends live outside the district of Surrey, then the second week hit... I've been at home every. single. day.

  Now, any normal person would be like, "Oh gee, Micah, you're such a LOSER." And really, I agree with you, but I've gotten to learn a lot in these past few days....

Ok, no, F^CK. THIS. SH!T. I DIED.

  Anyway, I did fine. I had a fun week, I did no work, I cleaned the home like a good little gay, I baked... also like a good little gay and now I'm in the midst of writing my Writing project.

   Did I mention I'm going to bake again tonight? Oh yeah, this boy has some fire coming out of his shoes gurl.

That's what i TRIED to make

It turned out delicious... But not that pretty....

    Also, I finished God of War III, I'm not going to spoil the ending, but for those who have finished it I will say, unsatisfied, I was still hungering for more... But, a thought occurred to me while playing the game... "Gee, Kratos... Deimos and well... Basically all the gods would looks soooooo good naked."

     I know, it's a whole new level in creepy, weird, gay and well, me. But really... Deimos is like my secret lovuurrr....

Kratos' brother! Their family sure was a lucky bunch!

   Anyway, I think I'm done with all my little banter, I didn't want to go for 2 months without an upload so I kind of cooked this up all in 30min. Thanks for reading thus far, I'll continue the post I started on February 25th...

Quick Post

I just thought that even though I am gay, I'm boring and I... Well I'm not too conservative is all I'll say... Anyway, I'd just like to say, thanks for reading my blog, like honestly, I'm already dying of happiness every time I see I have had 2 page views today... Yeah, it's pathetic, but I will forever try to update all the time and hopefully make your day better! Anyway, thanks. That's about it (:

My Hopefully Hilarious Article about men.

Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian.

“Men are pigs, but we love bacon.” – Michael Alvear

The above statement applies to almost every human being who is attracted to the male gender. There will always be men in the world, and unfortunately, among the men there will always be the types who frustrate people everywhere. Generally there is a type of male for each category of men, whether it’s nerds or jocks there will always be one. Among the horrors are a few men that will literally cause a person to scream out in agony. After much research I have come up with a list of five excruciatingly painful men. No matter where you are situated at the moment, whether it’s England, Sweden or somewhere in China, I hope you can relate to this and laugh along with some of the very literal and real situations.

5. The Ugly Douchebag

Let’s start out at a club, a nice night out with friends. You’re at the club with your friends, the big blinking strobe lights putting you into a mood of pure ecstasy. You feel like you’re on top of the world and that no man can ruin your day today, but then you feel weird patch of warmth around your groin area. You immediately turn around and see a sweaty, fake-tanned and gelled haired person grinding all over you. It’s completely disgusting, and don’t worry; everyone agrees with you. It’s an Ugly Douchebag; everyone has encountered a fair amount of them. The “U.D” is always around and ready to party, even when you-and the rest of the world-is ready for a rest. The U.Ds are the fake-tanned, Ed Hardy-clothed and fist-pumping weirdoes that saunter around the place. It doesn’t matter that you’re in the mall, the grocers, the cinema, the club or even the park because you’re bound to encounter at least one. You can tell you’ve been a victim of the U.D with these few signs: A) The strong stench of hair gel, cologne, fake tanner spray and sweat lingers on most of your outerwear. B) Whenever you hear a catchy song with a strong beat you feel the irresistible urge to crouch down on the ground and “catch that beat.” C) When your boyfriend cheats on you, you get mad at everybody, but the man in question. If any or all these above signs apply to your boyfriend-or you-well then congratulations because he may be an Ugly Douchebag.

4. The Conceited Douchebag

Imagine that you’re sitting in a nice and peaceful café, drinking your charming little cup of tea while reading a very classical piece of literature. When suddenly you are interrupted by a loud and completely obnoxious call coming from a male. Judging from the looks of the others around you, it seems he yelled a very rude and vulgar word about the male genitalia. Upon closer inspection he’s quite attractive so you ignore the sudden outburst and continue reading, but you’re still displeased. You’ve just experienced the Conceited Douchebag, not to be confused with the Ugly Douchebag. The C.D is very close in comparison to the U.D, but the only difference is that the C.D is attractive-and he knows it. The C.D is very cocky, loud and arrogant. The C.D’s mannerisms are very annoying also, they like to over use words such as, “man”, “dude” and “bro”. The C.D also constantly refers to many extremely lame and stupid videos from the Internet. If one ever were to ask a C.D what their favourite show was Jackass would be mentioned at least once. It should also be noted that the C.D’s only good trait is that they’re attractive, and that’s always their excuse. Forget that they cant read more than seven words at a time, who even needs reading anyway? The natural habitat for the C.Ds are, the local frat homes, a bar of any sort, a “Bro’s Crib”, and of course anywhere else that houses skanks with big fake silicone boobs. Also, prepare to be bombarded with excuses like, “Who needs manners when you’ve got abs like mine?” Oh, right you are C.D right you are.

Now that the first two types are over and done with, I can now get into the last three. These last three boys will make you wonder why weren’t born a lesbian in the first place. Well, without further ado let’s jump into the world of…

3. The Clingy Types

You’re sitting at home, on the couch having a nice and quiet evening indoors. You have your snuggie pulled up to your chin; the TV is turned to your favourite episode of Sex and the City, the bowl of popcorn resting on one lap and your pet resting on the other. *BUZZ, BUZZ* Your phone is vibrating, you check the phone screen and you see that it’s your (ex)boyfriend sending you a message-great- you ignore it and continue your movie. Five minutes later the phone vibrates for a second time signaling you that there is a new message; you choose to ignore it. Another five minutes and you get a call from him, frustrated you answer the phone… turns out he just wanted to say good night to you before he went to sleep for the night, annoying. Yes, that’s a common situation with a C.T. The C.T is not a very common type of male, but if you get the unfortunate luck of running into one you’re going regret ever meeting this man. The C.Ts are very cute and thoughtful at first, but after a week or two-to put it plainly- it gets completely annoying. This man will call you over and over again asking about your day and if you’ve been talking to any other men lately. At first you think he’s just looking out for you, but on the contrary, he’s just plain clingy. The C.Ts doesn’t have many signs that flare out at you at first meeting. They also don’t look any different from the rest of the males on this list, which is a plus or a negative depending on how you think about it. Having experience with one, I know that men like these drive people crazy. With their late night, “I love you” messages, their “You’re beautiful” notes in your locker/cubicle/mailbox and their abundance of compliments, you just cant help but shout, “leave me alone!!!” To put it plainly, they’re attractive, but completely clingy. If one could look the other way then they must have high annoyance tolerance. Think about it, even Lady Gaga wrote a song about them… wait, I think I hear the telephone; I’ll just ignore it.

2. The One That Got Away

It’s like a movie; they’re hot, funny, well mannered and completely charming. No matter where you meet this man it will lead to complete and utter sadness. For example, pretend you’re at a social function, you see a very attractive young male across the room, and did he just wink at you? You take notice that unlike his friends he is not participating in the keg stand that is currently in progress. You notice his fine toned arms, his casual yet formal attire, and his subtle messy hair look. In your head you check slowly check off the criteria list for a man’s outer appearance, he passed! Finally you bring up the nerve to talk to this charming young man. You and that mysterious man strike up some small talk, the weather, the recent movies out and possibly what Lady Gaga has been up to lately. Suddenly his phone rings, he answers it, you find out it’s one of his co-workers asking about something in regards to his high paying job. Before the man on the other line can finish his sentence the O.G.A will interrupt him saying something about being in the presence of a beautiful/charming young lady/man. That act alone makes you swoon.

Somewhere after the call you and the O.G.A will get into some deeper topics, his hobbies, how he enjoys children, his recent artistic achievements in painting, his enjoyment in bodybuilding, and his mother’s recent death. This man seems absolutely astounding; you are completely blown away. As you’re quietly imagining a future with this man one of his friends run up to him and informs him of his friend who seems to have passed out in the bathtub. The O.G.A will tell you that he’ll be right back and he runs off to aid his friend, you decide on whether or not to go and check if he or his friend needs any help, but you decide against it. After a long while you seem to notice that it’s almost been an hour, you try to avoid the thought of never seeing him again so you continue to wait. As the people in the party start to file out one by one you don’t seem to see him in the crowd and the realization hits you like a truck, he’s not coming back. It’s completely tragic and sad that you’ve lost your future husband, but look at it this way; you could sell the rights to your story and make it into a generic movie plot!

And finally, the worst type of man in the world will be revealed. All these horrible people are nothing compared to these men. These men will make your skin crawl, your throat might constrict and your heart just might stop beating! Well, no more stalling let’s get to the good stuff.

1. The Illusionist

Admit it, you’re confused. I’ll admit, the name isn’t very explanatory, but when one knows what an Illusionist actually is, the name will seem like a perfect fit. First, one needs to know how amazing this man actually is, he’s perfect, he’s a complete gentleman, he has manners, he’s a good listener, he’s sensitive, he will message you back with more than just a one letter response, he remembers dates, he has an amazing body, he’s funny, he's kind and of course he looks like an Italian Supermodel. Why, he seems amazing doesn’t he? Why, of all people on this list would he be on here, he seems completely wonderful! Did I mention he was taken? Did I mention his girlfriend/fiancé/wife is a completely frumpy woman who seems to have a one-track personality? Doesn’t that just frustrate you to maximum capacity? What if I also added the fact that this man was you best friend? Of course if you were a female let’s say he’s gay instead and that he has an equally amazing boyfriend, vise versa for gay guys. It’s just so frustrating! Why in the world would these men exist? They’re so perfect yet so… not! Perfectly described as an illusion, hence the name Illusionist. These are the types of men everyone wants in their lifetime, but these are also the types of men no one will ever have a chance with. Whether he’s gay or straight, married or almost there, he's unavailable 24/7. He’s a danger not to be messed with, but if by chance you do happen to get him to deviate from his partner and go for you… well then, can you really live a morally guilt free life knowing you’ve ruined a very lucky girl’s relationship with the perfect man?

So there you have it, the five most frustrating men in the world. Always remember that in this world there will always be the Ugly Douchebag, the Conceited Douchebag, the Clingy Types, the One who Got Away and The Illusionist. All we have to do is just take life in a stride and never let men get us down. After all, life is one big meat aisle and all you have to do is find the right type of bacon… or just go vegetarian.

Here we are! Totally procrastinating...

   Haha, yeah it's amazing isn't it? I'm very surprised that I actually committed to this... I could go into detail about how I have commitment issues... but I'd rather not. I mean in English last year I wrote a very off topic speech... Surprisingly it was really good, I laugh at the thought...

  So, I've realized that I'm pretty stupid, I'm sure most of the people I know can already tell... You know I wouldn't be surprised if the people I didn't know thought that too... There are, of course, the select few who would beg to differ... ok... I made it up, but still, I have faith. But! to further prove that I in fact am stupid, I have evidence gathered from my recent actions:

Ok... Maybe I'm not stupid... Just really weird... And I might have a case of ADD... Ha....ha....ha...
I should get myself checked... Rainbows coming out from one's mouth isn't really... Well normal.

To eat? Or not to eat? There should never be a question.

So, here it is, part 1...

If you're cool enough you got it! It's a quote from my new favourite movie!! Easy A! Like omg I bought the Blu-Ray right when it came out! I was like, "Omg! Let's rush to HMV like I need this sh*t!!"

    In the end I had to buy it with my own money... But I didn't care it was EMMA STONE! Like she is the hottest girl I've ever seen! And trust me, I'm gay so my standards for girls better be good if not I've sort of failed.... Haven't I?

   In any case I thought I should show y'all a picture of this beautiful person... For you... Non-Believers!

Emma F*CKING Stone!

  Still not convinced? Maybe you're gay... Or straight. I don't genderize!

   Anyway, so i went to HMV and they had one left... for 29.99 not including tax. As an Asian I really pondered my options... Like, "Do I really  want it? Is it worth the 34$?" but they only had ONE left! So like it was what I'd call the "O" moment like my sudden realization.. It was either now or never, you know?

  In my mind that's basically what I saw anyway....

   So in my own self pity I dragged myself around the mall to follow my mom... At Reitman's, ZZZellerz, Sear[killmenow]s, seeing a pattern? Anyway, we ended up in WallMart and like I dragged my helpless body towards the movies and there I saw it... The 24.99 priced Blu-Ray of EASY A. Basically I sogged myself. Like twice. And so I gladly bought it with a big huge grin.

    And that's how I aquired such an amazing movie in which I saw 12 times already... Yes. I'm happy with my choice.

Sticking true to the females are hot theme, I present thee with:

Anne Hathaway

The girl I will ALWAYS think is the hottest

"Snow is like a strip tease. When it starts you get all excited and want it to keep going. Then it stops abruptly and you go, 'That's it?!'"

This is another consecutive blog post!

In light of the amazing Urooba [http://underuroobasumbrella.blogspot.com/] who is like "O.m.f.g. This chick is amazing and I want to have her babies." At least that's what I think they say when they read her blog. I'm pretty sure I'm at least 78% correct...
Anyway! As I was saying, in light of this situation of me being unpopular and totally like lame, I've decided to pretend I'm popular... Here! To make it easier for you I drew how my thought process worked. [PS. Took me 3 hours, but I FOUND THE WIRE and so, we can see half assed drawings!]

No, I'm not a girl, but my hair is long, so I decided to make it that way...

Anyway, that's how it went. So with Urooba's amazing help, I've decided to chug along, whenever I have time I will do the best I can to draw and such. I sill need to find my writing style....

On a bright note, LOOK A HOT GUY!

James Marsden!

Carpe Diem BITCHES! (:

I will totally blog more...

So my new years resolution [My friend seems to think that your birthday should be your *New Year*, I mean I agree and all, but I want to be generic and lame. So I've decided to ponder it..] Anyway... My new years resolution is to blog more and be totally popular and loved like my friend Urooba [http://underuroobasumbrella.blogspot.com/] So I have thought up some new ideas, how they'll fly? I don't really know...  Also I don't know when I'll post, but I will! I really want to... I just always forget. I call it a curse... Though it's not...

Maybe I should upload a picture of hot guys every post?

 James Dean

Chris Rockway *Beware, tis a porn star*

Should I randomly upload the anime characters I just can't help, but think are super delicious? [I did not draw these BTW.]

 Bruno

 Byron

Lt. Surge

Maybe like my idols [Like "The Oatmeal" http://theoatmeal.com/ or like "Hyperbole and a Half http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/] I should draw pictures while talking about my life... 

[Ps. I don't have my tablet wire I actually need to look for it, so it'll get better.... I hope... Well I'm sure it'll be better... Honestly, my mousepad on my laptop can't do my AMAZING drawing skills ANY justice...]

Or should I like write about my life and just stick to what I'm doing, I don't know... I'll come up with something...

What do you think?